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Age : 30
Birthday: Aug 07, 1986
Sexual Preference: Straight
Relationship Status: Single
Interested In: Women
My Religion: Peanut Butter & Jelly
Highest Level of Education: Some College
Hometown: The Ville, baby
CRIMINAL /krim-i-nel/ n. A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
Welcome to my spot. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
I’m sure you have browsed dozens, maybe hundreds of inmates, looking for the one you want to contact. So what’s so special about me, you ask? The answer, of course, is nothing. I’m a scoundrel like all the rest.
People ask me... What’s prison like? Are there drugs? Gangs? Stabbings? Dude, I don’t know about anything like that. I’m still crying myself to sleep at night because I can’t play my Xbox.
I wonder sometimes what my childhood classmates would think. Do they know about me? Did they guess that I would end up here? Well, DING-DING-DING! You were right!
You have to be smart in here to stay out of trouble. Once a guy asked me to hold something for him; he gave a little bag of white powder and told me to stick it in my “trunk”. I said nice try, bro, I know we’re not allowed to drive cars in prison.
I’m from the mean streets of Long Island where you step one foot out of line and they WILL possibly egg your beach house.
When I first got to prison, a guy with tattoos all over his face came up to me, held out his hand and said, “Little Shooter, Southside 13.” I shook his hand and said, “Elf Wizard, Level 26.” Then they put me in Protective Custody.
The U.S. has the highest incarceration rate in the world. It is also has the highest rate of heart disease. Should we start locking up cheeseburgers?
Girls, girls, girls. In prison there are no girls.