Am taking a Developmental Psych Class. In this class I learned about something called resiliency in children. It is a concept that says that children who face trauma are often able to overcome the negative effects of that trauma. This should be accompanied by stability after the trauma. When I learned this, I began to think about it and apply it to my own circumstances, to my own childhood experiences. I often tell people that I had a pretty good childhood; I mean when I think of my own childhood, I remember only good things. The bad things are repressed in this.
I have to think hard to remember the brutality of my stepfather, the psychological and emotional abuse of my mother, the sexual abuse, the fact that I was an outcast, the fact that I felt unloved. These things do not come to mind easily. I think this is what is meant by resilience. But the thing is resilience can only do so much when there is little stability afterward. A child can only take so much before resilience is overwhelmed.
Again I want to say this is not me making excuses. This is me talking to you about the things that I have learned and am learning about the factors that lead me to the decisions that I alone made. In learning these things, I hope to give you all some insight. And in doing so, maybe I can help.
Luke, The Unforgiven