It's been several weeks since my last blog. I hit a stump due to an incident in the communal showers. It was not nice. I started to write about it and after rewriting it about 8 times, I decided not to share it with y'all in the blog. As it only shows the difficulty that I face in here and does nothing to solve the bigger issue. So... I want to talk to (and about) the potential victimizer for a moment. That man or (rarely) woman who has thoughts of a sexual nature about a child. I understand how alone you feel. I know the guilt and shame that blooms when this thought first enters your mind. Especially when the odds are the same thing has happened to you. I've been where you are when you feel that you have nowhere to turn and that life is so chaotic and spiraling to some doom that you feel you are powerless to stop. I've been there and I failed the test. I hurt people I love. People that I should have been willing to die for, I hurt. If only.... That is what my life is like now. I make this statement into a world that no longer cares, if only... I was wrong though. I/You/We are not alone. These feelings that you feel, these thoughts that you are having are not unique. There are thousands and thousands of us that have these thoughts. Some aren't strong enough to fight them and some are. Some are caught and some aren't. But the fact remains you are not alone. Don't misunderstand, this is not a license to abuse a child, maybe your own child. This is the wake-up call to tell you that your action will ruin so many lives but that there is hope for you. All you have to do is pick up the phone or go online. You have to decide that this fracturing of innocent lives is not what you want to do. This destruction of your own life is not worth whatever you think you might gain. I promise you, I guarantee you that the phone call that you make will be the very thing that makes your life begin anew. Please don't end up like me, sitting here with the knowledge that I hurt the only ones in my life who love to me and that I can never take it back. SATA: (517)482-2085 www.satasort.org SATA or Sex Abuse Treatment Alliance and other like organizations are dedicated to helping you not become me.
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